Disclaimer:- This article contains strong words although politically correct for those not familiar with the topic. Readers discretion is adviced. All other views are my personal.
This article requires a little context first. I was in Kalpakkam for 8 months. I was not going to office so was not receiving any salary. I had to ask money from friends. But the three people were socially and politically of category I ask for money last. One was below poverty line, one was from Bihar the poorest state in India and one was Brahmin who take donation culturally and not give them. I was only doing this work for spiritual reasons and the work was more important than worrying about the social or political connotations. Now retrospectively I am trying to figure out everything. Who are they will be clear while reading further. They all are my girlfriends but only one of them is girl. This post is addressed to all of them whether they read or not. After all it’s my personal diary entry.
Why I chose the most undeserving people to exploit for money. Because I want to help the most deserving.
I can give you back your money. But it will be much better you could learn to earn a lot on your own.
It’s not difficult to learn things but You will not do it unless you feel connected to me. Either lovingly or unlovingly. Much better unlovingly. You should learn to break heart.
Fulfilling wishes is the work of Satan the lucifer. If one wants to take poison will you fulfill that. Easily tasty things are generally not good for health and survival.
It is not a big secret. But love blinds us. Not real love though. The general people love. A friend will say nice things. A person who loves you will say things you need to hear and it’s not easy.
I can easily win you back. But I have to stop loving my mother. Yes the real reason I hate my mother is that I love her. I don’t want her to die so early.
She named me a doctor. A doctor has to save life not end it. I sacrifice my health so she could live longer. She hasn’t seen or experienced anything in life. I am the only one she wants to experience everything with.
Though the level of her self esteem will increase her immunity will fall. If I join job she will not even last six months because immunity depends on self generated endorphins not on endorphins generated by physically exploiting others. It’s emotional incest.
She is hell bent on it and I try everything to avoid it.
When I start doing as you please it’s for your end I will be doing. I think I am just fooling myself that I don’t like my job. I am in reality finding ways to be near her but avoid doing what she wants me to do because I am thinking as a doctor that she named me.
It is not hard to win you back. You are just asking me for it. It is me avoiding it. With every girl I have had relation with I do this. I never let them forget me by hating me enough so that they can aquire enough skills that I have. My skills are more useful and easily adaptable for a girl. I am doing the same pattern again.
Whatever bad you have texted or told me to my face is not bad at all. You are only doing what I really want from you. To break hearts. What ever you said to me is only going to help me.
I think it’s time I have to make a decision. She will not live long because what she wants is incest. If I have to do it I have to do it in least incestous way like have been doing till now. I will tell how exactly in next post.
She wants to leave like my elder mother. I had no way of stopping her incest. She worshipped me indirectly 24×7. That was the only way she could experience any thing. In return she gave money me indirectly through the world. But incest is not healthy. I wanted to end it but still be a doctor. Luckily or unluckily I found Mtech or rather Mtech found me. She left with all her unfulfilled desires for me. Desires if understood drops off naturally. But otherwise becomes obligation of your coming generation. It’s therefore relatively better to be hedonist like America than a fake monk like India.
I think I know how it will end. I have been giving her my health. But she doesn’t want that. I want her to have life of her own but she has lost all hope of that long ago.
I have been giving her my health. Now she will give it back and leave. All her desires will be my burden.
Its my weakness that I cannot kill my own mother like this.
This time also I will end it same way, not like a killer but a doctor. I can’t help it. That’s the identity you gave me. How exactly in next post.
A teacher has to come down to the level of a student because a student will not come on its own. I think that much is clear. Like Varah Avatar.
References
The comparison with Varaha, the boar incarnation of Vishnu, comes from the
traditional account in which Varaha descends into the cosmic waters and lifts the Earth
from the depths. In the Srimad-Bhagavatam, this is described as the purpose of
the incarnation: to raise the submerged Earth and restore it.
I use the reference metaphorically here. A teacher, guide, or mentor sometimes has to
come down to the level at which a student actually exists rather than expecting the
student to immediately rise to the teacher’s level. The purpose of that descent is not
to remain there, but to make it possible for the student to rise.
Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam 1.3.7 — Varāha incarnation
Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam 3.13.31 — Varāha lifting the Earth