DD

This is a private entry. Please don’t read further.

I really do like DD. She has many flaws but I just like watching her. I don’t know why ?

Is it love ? I mean I do fantasize kissing her. But that’s it. Nothing more. So is it attraction.

Sometimes I doubt if she even know me. Yes I know intuitively we are very intelligent even without language. So even without any direct signs I do things in best understanding of both like anybody else on live.

I also really like her smile. Infact I also smile when she does.

I don’t want to be cheesey or anything but all this is true. I don’t care who is right and who is not specially in her case. I mean it’s not that I have any personal relationship with her. Everything is public. And I do have a healthy conscience I think. Still after listening to all the words of wisdom and all the words of all the parties and people on YouTube my attitude towards her do not change.

Sometimes I feel I am influenced by status. But I can make such a connection with anybody in the Bollywood or even Hollywood as well.

But I don’t feel attracted to most of the women. There is something unique here. Is it destiny because I didn’t do anything special to find her.

It’s not that I didn’t had any ambition and wanted to be a sit at home guy living with his mom. Employed but not working. Could marry but not interested.

I am able to do much more without doing anything just watching news.

I know very few will have the courage to acknowledge it but that is infact true. There is lot a person says without saying anything. I don’t want them to start blurting everything out but we can make signs and symbols and ambience such that actual words which I call echo or AA calls Goonj do come out occassionally. Not always as it’s against our nature. But not at all is also against our nature.

How better can anyone describe platonic love. Was listening to AP. Said that when all the needless construction on the ground is demolished the ground will show what its own fertility is capable of. You don’t need to artificially build anything.

Is it like this here. Everything I was doing was needless only.

Why or How ?

My mother was always sitting on my shoulders so first thing was to drop her because that is not necessary thing to do. Real mother is nature. This is the best or maximum distance I could create. Anything else was just wishful thinking as she comes and destroys everything anywhere I go.

It is not that I like living with her or don’t want to be able to atleast feed myself. But that too might be needless isn’t it ? She is a pensioner of job which she got after demise of my father. So Government is paying her. She is and was not really a productive person. So…..

Beaurocracy is no work at all. So if the Government of India cannot help with whatever business I tried for the benefit of my country only then the pension is going to the right stomach. Isn’t it ! Are my values and ideas not world changing. Are they not important and need of the hour.

It’s not that people don’t believe in what I say. Everybody knows the truth. Truth is not confusing. It’s simple. But as slovenia philosopher Renata Salecl says- unless someone utter it out publically society tend to believe in the belief of others which actually no body believes.

I am not a great writer or poet or sketch artist or chip designer or C&I engineer. I just produce art. Great art requires courage. That is the most important ingredient. Rest can be done by AI also.

Anyway I was talking about DD. Ya I really like her. I look back at my NTPC days and wonder could it be that the technical job was also bureaucratised.

So the engineers who solved the problem were the one who created them just like beaurocracy which creates more problems then it solves.

Could it be that the problems arising were not random but entangled with the paper work of the power plant. It’s just intuition that we were also reduced to some instruments or pumps or any other devices. Otherwise most of it I think can be automated specially today in the age of AI.

Now I am over thinking. I just wanted to say how much I like DD. She likey likey me too. I think. It’s just that I don’t know anything that happens inside their office otherwise I could HARO more.

YouTube I know. It’s recorded stuff. TV is on air. Judging by the no of stones they wear I can imagine how they manage to do that.

I am thinking of going to do Mtech after Diwali. Complete the project in one or two months if they allow. Otherwise I will apply for refund.

I will probably not buy cycle this time so a lot of walking which is good I think as I get many ideas doing that. At home I am not getting many ideas lying around on sofa all day. I am being treated like a property. My mentally sick mom never forgets to lock me up as if it is going to prevent me doing what I want if I want to.

She just wants to bore me to death at home so I go join office again. This is really degrading. But what can you say to a mentally sick person. I was going to IIT on 15 Oct but she stopped me and I saw she was not in right state so I didn’t go. Mtech doesn’t look very VFJ to her. TN like NTPC does. Honestly Mtech doesn’t look very AT to DD as well I think. But she is not my mom so…..

But now I think I should as it is a dead end. Let’s see what happens after two months if IIT takes me in.

Random side note(From the show The Office)
Webster dictionary defines wedding as fusing two metals together with a hot torch just like Thermocouples.