Dependency is Inevitable – Ego is Optional

Dependence is not necessarily Ego while Ego is necessarily Dependence. How ?

Buddha had Bhikshus who were beggars. They couldn’t survive if the whole town decided not to give them food or clothes. So they were dependent. They were like Cars where the self was neither outside nor inside the car. It was absent. Ego is not outside means God is not outside but God is neither inside. Once this state is achieved anything happening to outside or inside does not effect the self. It means self is absent or more accurately Ego is not inflated by thinking the self is the God.

I have had such situation at home when despite being in my own home and despite being worthy of all the credit of a father who would have taken care of his daughters education or marriage I was totally dependent on them for as basic as food. My Ego that I worked very hard in studies to offer these to them was shattered.

It was a blessing in disguise. We blame world for our childhood misfortune but never acknowledge favourable conditions that helped us. A perfect condition to study for example.

I was now really tested ie without this Ego can you study again. So I have had been through a situation when my Ego totally dissolved.

It was not a comfortable situation at all. Visiting doctor who sent you to torture house with sick mother but for my checkup. Eating when asked sleeping when asked etc. As if my old I that I call external Rank was absent.

Had I not taken GATE or CAT previously in college which to an extent I can say was not favourable for studying, so much dependent on internal Rank I couldn’t have picked up books again.

Buddha also did the same to his disciples. Can you be content in life even when being totally at the mercy of others for survival despite being capable not to.

In my case however I was the Buddha and also the disciple. So infact I should thank my mother.

We all are Dependent.

I cannot make my own medicine. I cannot grow my own food. But point is my mother should now understand that being a beggar whole life is not what Buddha taught. Only if it curb your Ego it is done.

How would dependency look without Ego. They say prakratic but what is it ?

Well anything that help me and others around or connected to me improve conditions to be free from external Ranks.

Can I list some of them that I must have.

Internet

Mobile

Laptop

Food

Clothes

A Research lab

Money How much I don’t know. Maybe more or maybe less depending on mission or more accurately sub missions of the main mission.

Where can I find them ?

Jungle ? No.

Research center ? May be.

Home ? Yes if mother free me and protection from my own relatives and others are guaranteed. It’s not very wise to not avoid dying when you know the risk.

I don’t have much need of money for my own but I have property I could use for a decent loan very much more than my survival need.

I have brains. And I don’t have ambitions left for my own and neither for anyone who have selfish ambitions. So anything I start I could die trying or finishing.

The news Job will continue as usual but the observer is observed. Without much changes in my life News won’t budge a lot though this single thing could be a very significant improvement.

So what am I doing here.

I should first arrange for money which I can, quit this job, ask IIT G if they could retake me granting an year leave and converting Mtech to Phd.

I don’t want to take any money from home for same reason Buddha didn’t wanted anybody to be beggar in Aprakratic way.

So if IIT G refuses I can reprepare for GATE at home totally funded by me and also start teaching on YouTube.

I don’t hate this Job. But the issue is without Autonomy, yes just autonomy no need for Rank the company cannot make me work to my full potential. I am saying not for any personal work but work in line with Govt or Company’s Vision and Mission. I can do much more than anyone can make me do. Infact it applies to everyone.

Regarding Biological needs like marriage it’s secondary for me and current condition are fine to not worry or not get distracted from original mission. Maybe in future I have no time for it and it totally vanishes. Or Maybe it becomes another Job. Infact I don’t have any such need even now if I could start what I expressed above. AP taught that a partner is most welcome if it helps reach the destinations faster. Nothing more.

So I am writing this post to communicate my thoughts and plans with the World, both immediate and far to ask for any help needed in prakaratic dependence way to improve my situation as per Dharma.